I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
