I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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