There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I need to sanitize my soul.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
