Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
