mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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