FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
