i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
