I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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