My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
