Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
