We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
