Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
