it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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