Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
