Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize