Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
