dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
