I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
This is my life. Enjoy the view
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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