i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
