I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
