never play flip cup with pint glasses
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
