There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
