At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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