He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
