i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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