he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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