Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
