I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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