I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
