I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Too much gin, very little bucket
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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