everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
