Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
