I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
