I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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