oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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