so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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