Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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