apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
