i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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