At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
What a dumb baby whore.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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