He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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