You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize