Say something about gay babies.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
