Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
