Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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