my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
