I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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