No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
This house was built for laser tag.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
