Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
