Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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