worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
