Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
