Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I showed him my bush... on skype.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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