remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
