Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
