I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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