Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
