I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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