Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
