U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
