Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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