Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
