Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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