WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
