ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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