wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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