Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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