i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
