every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
