the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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