So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
