i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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