I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
