do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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